Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Feeling Guilty

Call me crazy.

I am not feeling well at all today. I been kind of a bum despite cleaning the girls bedroom floor. Someone had an accident right beside her potty. Or cleaning the entire bathroom, doing laundry. Well, more like put the clothes in the washer and dryer and leave them in basket. Or loading and unloading dishes in washer. We didn't venture outside or even change clothes. My appetite is not there and when I try to eat I feel worse and want to hurl. The girls are happy entertaining themselves and watching Curious George.

But all day despite feeling like crap, I knew I was going to go to the gym for my 6:30 pm class. My husband, Eric, came home and he immediately noticed something was wrong with me because I was laying on the couch looking and feeling miserable. He said, "No gym today." In my head I was thinking, "Yes, let me just lay down for a sec and then I will feel better." Time came to get ready and I stood up and my world spinned. I then had a talk with myself (more like convince myself). "If I went, I wouldn't be working out to my full potential and not burning a lot of calories. Plus, I hardly eaten all day and if I burn the calories I happen to eat there would be no way I could make up for the calories lost. You need to take a hot shower, shave while in there, and lotion up and do a little pampering. " and that's what I did.

After my shower, I drank water and was feeling a bit better. I decided to do more dishes and start cutting squash for tomorrows dinner. I was feeling pretty hungry so I had a banana. Bad idea. I immediately felt terrible again. Headaches, stomach ache, nausea. Sucks.

But yet, I am still overcome with the feeling of guilt for missing my workout. I also realized that I feel guilty on days where we have plans to do something ( weekends). Last Saturday was my planned rest day. Well, that night was also a UFC fight and I drank wine ( Like a whole bottle). So the next day was another planned off day but I squeezed in a workout at noon and barely making it to our friends house, who live an hour away, before kickoff of the Superbowl. I was quilty for drinking the wine the night before so I felt like I needed to counter balance it with a good workout. I feel guilty for missing workouts (like today) and feel like I accomplished nothing at all.

So, I am realizing that I really need to try harder at incorporating a period of rest in between some tough weeks of workouts. I don't want to cause damage when in my mind I think I am doing something good to my body. I guess my fear is that in the two days that I missed I am going to be over 200 pounds again.


brandi said...

If you feel like you *must* do something, just go for a walk. It's low impact, but gets your body moving and burns calories. This is of course, on days when you are feeling well but had planned to be "off". If you feel sick, then rest, obviously. Instead of feeling guilty for a bottle of wine and trying to make up for it with extra workouts, just remember next time how crappy it made you feel. Life is all about balance. You need those crazy drink a bottle of wine nights sometimes. Just get back on track afterward and they won't become a habit. But making yourself feel guilty about every little slip is focusing on the negative and will ultimately lead you down the wrong path. The way to a great body is to LOVE your body and treat it like the temple it is. You're doing great Patti!

Teena said...

You have been working hard .. and I have been tracking you ever since you started your journey. You should be proud of yourself. You look great! You look amazing!

But what is important is how much you love yourself for the success you are making. Not for anyone else but for yourself, and everyone else comes secondary. You love yourself, love everything about you even if you happen to indulge in some fun. If you don't have fun to relax from all the hard work you have been committing yourself too, what joy is there in what you do then? It is like everything else in your life. You have to love what you do, despite the pain in the ass it gives us on occasion.

Patti ... you fell off the wagon .. okay .. get back on .. and keep moving. It is okay. We are not perfect beings. We are entitled to loosen up and have a great time. Then it is back to work, girl. 50 lbs! You did it. Not with any "Biggest Loser" show to join, or some diet fad that is on the market. You did this yourself because you wanted this. And look at you!

Be proud. Stand tall. Don't hang in there! STAND IN THERE! Look at yourself in the mirror and love the woman that you are and have become.

Even when you feel things are not getting better or have a bad day, remind yourself - today you are so much more than you were yesterday! Better than ever! <3

I love you, girl. You are amazing. <3

Finding my inner Pin-Up said...

Thank you Brandi and Teena on your wonderful insights. It's very appreciated.