Feeling Guilty

Call me crazy.

I am not feeling well at all today. I been kind of a bum despite cleaning the girls bedroom floor. Someone had an accident right beside her potty. Or cleaning the entire bathroom, doing laundry. Well, more like put the clothes in the washer and dryer and leave them in basket. Or loading and unloading dishes in washer. We didn't venture outside or even change clothes. My appetite is not there and when I try to eat I feel worse and want to hurl. The girls are happy entertaining themselves and watching Curious George.

But all day despite feeling like crap, I knew I was going to go to the gym for my 6:30 pm class. My husband, Eric, came home and he immediately noticed something was wrong with me because I was laying on the couch looking and feeling miserable. He said, "No gym today." In my head I was thinking, "Yes, let me just lay down for a sec and then I will feel better." Time came to get ready and I stood up and my world spinned. I then had a talk with myself (more like convince myself). "If I went, I wouldn't be working out to my full potential and not burning a lot of calories. Plus, I hardly eaten all day and if I burn the calories I happen to eat there would be no way I could make up for the calories lost. You need to take a hot shower, shave while in there, and lotion up and do a little pampering. " and that's what I did.

After my shower, I drank water and was feeling a bit better. I decided to do more dishes and start cutting squash for tomorrows dinner. I was feeling pretty hungry so I had a banana. Bad idea. I immediately felt terrible again. Headaches, stomach ache, nausea. Sucks.

But yet, I am still overcome with the feeling of guilt for missing my workout. I also realized that I feel guilty on days where we have plans to do something ( weekends). Last Saturday was my planned rest day. Well, that night was also a UFC fight and I drank wine ( Like a whole bottle). So the next day was another planned off day but I squeezed in a workout at noon and barely making it to our friends house, who live an hour away, before kickoff of the Superbowl. I was quilty for drinking the wine the night before so I felt like I needed to counter balance it with a good workout. I feel guilty for missing workouts (like today) and feel like I accomplished nothing at all.

So, I am realizing that I really need to try harder at incorporating a period of rest in between some tough weeks of workouts. I don't want to cause damage when in my mind I think I am doing something good to my body. I guess my fear is that in the two days that I missed I am going to be over 200 pounds again.