Friday, September 17, 2010

New me!

I am making a life change starting today. With these changes I am going to keep this blog as a journal to track my progress.

I am a wife and a mother and I want to be the best I can be at those things. I do my best with taking care of everyone but I really let myself go. Granted, my life has changed dramatically in the past few years. Marriage, two kids and a cross country move. After each kid, I seemed to gain weight and since moving to San Diego I have gained 10 lbs from lack of caring for myself. I let myself go to the point that my wardrobe consist of black stretchy clothes. Rarely, do my hair or put on make up. My eyebrows were hairy caterpillars on my face. My face was breaking out. I was/ am disorganized and lazy. To get things done around the house I needed incentive like a reward or something. I cared about all things around me ( My family) that I didn't give a damn about myself. Well, that is over. I registered for classes (school), made appointments to a Psychiatrist and underwent three hours of testing. Results were that I am slightly stoopid ( thanks to schooling in Florida, I have to blame it on something) and have high anxiety and A.D.D.

I am now a week in on taking prescribed Amphetamine (stimulant). Let me tell you, it is night and day. I actually want to do creative activities with my girls and clean and just be productive all around. I actually get things done!!! It used to be that I would start the laundry but I will never finish before I start another task and when it came to the end of the day nothing was ever completed and was half-assed.
It's been a week now with the meds and my house is sparkling clean, laundry and dishes done and put away. With this renewed motivation I joined the YMCA and today I took my first exercise class. It was low impact aerobics full of old people but I still did it. If I was feeling stupid, clumsy and uncoordinated I would walk out the door and never come back but I stayed and stuck it out! Like I said earlier, the reaction with this medicine is night and day. I am taking my multivitamins, drinking TONS of water. I do have to remind myself to eat because apparently you lose appetite. Which is fine for me. lol. I got excess weight that can come off. One side effect I have noticed though is irritability. The meds give me a high and when I come down from the high... it is best not to push my buttons. I feel horrible because the girls do not deserve my irritability and luckily Eric is not home most of the time so he gets spared. So, I take another pill. I make sure not to take one 6 hours before bed though. I like my sleep.

Since, I am more productive I am doing my best and being organized as well as clean. If a mess is made, I clean it right up. For instance when cooking, after I am done with the measuring cup, I will clean it instead of leaving it in the sink to attract flies. ( Flies is a huge problem in this house....so annoying.)If the girls drop crumbs, I won't wait for the dogs to get it... I will pick it up. I put things away right after I use it so I can avoid clutter.

Also, since I signed up for the Y to be active and the girls can socialize, I decided to better take care of my self inside and out and eat right. It helps also that I am taking a nutrition class for school. I have an assignment to keep a food diary so I created one with www.myfitnesspal.com and I love it. With that too, you can also log exercise and weight progress. It also helps that the website has an app for the Droid so I can enter my stats whenever and wherever. I also decided to stop drinking. I can never seem to just have one glass of something. One usually leads to 2, then 3 and before I know it the whole bottle of wine is gone and I am drunk and miserable the next day. My family members may not want to admit it but alcoholism runs in the family and I don't want to be like that.

With the success of this week I fee renewed. But as a disclosure I am not relying on just meds. I go to therapy. I talk to a stranger and it feels good and I am not ashamed. I get to vent and not worrying about hurting the docs feelings because she is completely unaffected. With a happy wife and mommy the whole family is happy. I am proud of the accomplishments I have made and I am also proud to see my husbands face when he sees all the things accomplished. He is very supportive of me and my decisions. I know he wants me to stick with it and not fall off the wagon which I tend to do. Which is the main reason to blog/ journal my journey of change so I can look back and reflect and maybe gain some support if this journal creates a fan club.
Well, until next time!

2 comments:

photodog2612 said...

Things will always work out when you are happy with yourself. And always be honest with yourself. Way to go on the new found stregth, motivation and above all courage.

RuddellFam said...

Sounds like we are both on the same path. Good luck and stick with it. Find motivation everywhere you look. Maybe our blogs can help each other.